Hey, I'm creating a fan fic...

[Hector_Spector]

Hey there, I'm about to start writing a fan-fiction based on the world of Rapture. I've already begun my summary, just need some feedback on what you think. I have written fan-fictions in the past, but I have never been this ambitious and enthusiastic about a writing project.

Rapture: The Beginning
Before it descended into chaos and ruin, Rapture was a fully functioning, self-sustaining metropolis with an opportunist, capitalistic, self-centered society at its heart. It was a city where any citizen could achieve for his or herself, rather than for other’s benefits and without another person’s hand in there pocket. The idealistic vision of Rapture was to bring, what Andrew Ryan considered, the best and brightest people and offer them (with no strings attached) the freedoms of carrying out there crafts in which they would be free of governmental oversight and religion. This tells the story from three of its very citizen’s perspectives and how they went about there daily lives in the city of Rapture, before its eventual and inevitable downfall on New Year’s Day, 1959, the day the party was over. Thomas "Tommy" Craddock Jr is a fishmonger/smuggler working in Neptune’s Bounty at Fontaine Fisheries, led by ruthless businessman Frank Fontaine. Robert “Perky” Perkins is a maintenance worker based at Hephaestus, and a strong follower of Andrew Ryan. Chester “Chess” Worthing is a bartender/amateur musician who is based at Fort Frolic. Each of there lives shall become intertwined as Rapture begins to decline and they shall each have to make some tough decisions along the way, it’s a rough road ahead, prepare for more bumps, twists and turns than you can shake a stick at.

[Asherah]

That's a nice summary, I can't wait to read the whole thing. This story sounds interesting. The last sentence seems a little odd though when you switch to a first-person narrative. Get rid of "my" and replace it with "more" and the summary is about flawless.

[Hector_Spector]

Ha, it was a type error I meant to put "more" but thank you for the encouraging words, its greatly appreciated.

[Puddle]

It sounds interesting, however, I would recommend getting rid of some of the nicknames, it seems a little cheesy when you hit the third one. I would keep "Chess and drop the other two, just change Thomas name to Tommy in the story, it's easier that way, since most Thomas' are introduced as Tom or Tommy anyways and Perky is not as creative as Chess if you ask me .

[Amandatini]

Heyy, I like it :]
Can't wait to see what you turn out.
I second what Puddle said though.

[BioShokk]

Yeah, drop all the nicknames but "Chess".

You say you want to write a fan-fic based on the "world of Rapture". This may be quite demanding, but maybe you could have one or all of your characters from a sector of Rapture which wasn't focused on in the game. Rapture evidently still has a lot to show to us, and it would be great if you could imagine a totally different part of it for your story.

It's looking good, though.