My first FanFic based on, in, and around Bioshock

[The_Illusive_Man]

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[The_Illusive_Man]

cLOSED ThReAd

[The_Illusive_Man]

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[The_Illusive_Man]

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[Seasick]

Okay, first of all, welcome to the fanfic club XD.

First,From what I read, some more attention to the environment and the appearance of the characters would go a long way.

Second, just do one chapter per post.

Third, things just seem to be moving too fast. Within two posts we've gone from an office to an Underwater city.

Fourth, In my opinion, Rapture's reveal seemed rushed and bland, same with Dennis' reaction. If you saw an Underwater city, I think you'd be freaking out.

Fifth, Split up your sentences into more Paragraphs. The first 7 Chapters were just single paragraphs.

Sixth, Going in with tons of ammo and guns is a bad choice. It basically eliminates the Survival aspect of the story.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like how you're giving Dennis a personality. He seems caring and a tad, dare I say, childish?

In the future, try Drafting your Chapters before posting this. With my fanfic, Royale, I have two EXCELLENT co-authors who work with me to fix grammatical errors, add things in, take things out, etc. etc.

Hope i've been of help,

Seasick

[The_Illusive_Man]

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